An Update on My Willie Juice

An Update on My Willie Juice

Y’all, I just realized I haven’t given you an update on my Willie juice.

First, let’s discuss the Willie gummies. I have officially put myself on pause from taking those until…well, I don’t know when. Right now, they are safely tucked inside a Ziploc bag, which is tucked inside another Ziploc bag, exactly where Rosie put them—and that is where they’re going to stay for the foreseeable future.

The Willie juice, however, is a different story.

I only take half a dose, and I’ve taken it enough times now that I can tell y’all exactly how it affects me. I normally take it around 9:30, and by 10:00, I’m ready to go to my room.

The first thing I notice is that my entire body feels light. Then my brain starts to feel a little weird—not bad and not like I’m dizzy exactly. “Woozy” may be the best word for it. It’s just a strange, floaty feeling, and that’s usually my cue to put my phone down before I start posting things I’ll have to explain the next morning.

Then comes the beginning-of-the-high snack situation.

Apparently, my stoner foods are club crackers with butter or a bag of salted Lay’s potato chips—and chocolate. Always chocolate. By this point, I’ve also probably finished an entire Diet Dr Pepper because the cottonmouth is no joke. So yes, the Willie juice may be helping me sleep, but I have probably gained ten pounds in the process.

After my little midnight buffet, I turn on something I’ve already watched so I don’t actually have to pay attention. I lie down, close my eyes, and eventually I’m out. Sometimes it happens almost immediately, and sometimes it takes a little longer—but once I fall asleep, I sleep SOLID.

And one of the biggest positives is that my neck, shoulder, and back pain seem to disappear. Nothing hurts the way it normally does, and I sleep straight through until I’m ready to wake up. That might be 8:00, 9:00, or 10:00 because I don’t set an alarm. I just wake up when my body decides we’re done.

The best part is that I don’t wake up feeling drugged or groggy. I don’t feel like I took marijuana the night before. I just feel like I actually slept.

Now, I did not take it while the girls were staying with me. I know how deeply it makes me sleep, and I didn’t want one of them to wake up crying and me not hear her.

Although, if anybody cares, none of us slept anyway.

And by “none of us,” I mean me.

I may have slept a total of two and a half hours the entire night.

Anyway, that is the latest chapter in my Willie juice journey: the gummies remain double-bagged and under maximum security, while half a dose of the juice is giving me solid sleep, less pain, severe cottonmouth, and the appetite of a teenage boy.