Fuck It. Forget About It.
Well, y’all, I didn’t write a blog yesterday.
Why?
Because I didn’t feel good.
And I didn’t feel like it.
That’s it. That’s the entire explanation.
There was no emergency. I wasn’t trapped under something heavy. My internet didn’t go out. I didn’t lose the ability to type. I just woke up and somewhere along the way my brain said, Fuck it. Forget about it.
And for once, I listened.
Which sounds healthy, right?
WRONG.
Because apparently my brain has two completely different departments that do not communicate with each other.
Department One says:
Tammy, you need to slow down. You have too much going on. Take a day off. Rest. Do absolutely nothing. The world will continue spinning without you.
So I do.
Then Department Two shows up approximately 24 hours later with a clipboard and an attitude:
Excuse me, ma’am. What exactly did you accomplish yesterday?
NOTHING.
THAT WAS THE ASSIGNMENT.
And yet somehow I still feel guilty.
This is the vicious little cycle I have apparently created for myself.
My brain has approximately 499 tabs open at all times.
And I don’t mean cute little tabs like:
Buy milk.
No.
My tabs are more like:
Did I answer that text?
I need to post that video.
Did I order that thing?
I need to write my blog.
I need to sell some jewelry.
Where is that Amazon return?
I should probably clean out that closet.
I need to call somebody.
Did I ever call them?
I need to make content.
I need to edit the content.
Why isn’t that video doing better?
Should I delete it?
No, don’t delete it.
Did I pay that bill?
What’s for dinner?
Where is my phone?
Oh. I’m holding it.
And somewhere in the background there’s probably one tab playing music, but I can’t figure out which one it is.
This is my brain.
All. Day. Long.
And I don’t know how to close the tabs. I don’t know how to minimize them. I don’t even know where the little X is.
So every once in a while, I think my entire system just says:
We’re shutting this bitch down.
And maybe that’s okay.
Actually, I KNOW it’s okay.
That’s the part I’m trying to teach myself.
Why do we feel like we have to earn rest?
Why does doing nothing for one day somehow make us feel lazy or unproductive or, in my case, like I’ve suddenly contributed absolutely nothing to society?
I have lived enough life to know that one day on the couch is not going to ruin my future.
But apparently nobody has informed my brain.
Because yesterday I needed the break.
Today?
Today I’m thinking about everything I didn’t do yesterday.
Make that make sense.
And here’s the really funny part.
Normally, somewhere between 25 and 45 people wander over to my blog every day.
Yesterday, when I didn’t write anything?
ONE PERSON.
ONE.
Whoever you are, I would personally like to thank you for reporting for duty. 😂
You were apparently the sole employee of It’s Mrs. Whit yesterday.
Everybody else said, Well, Tammy didn’t show up for work, so neither are we.
Fair enough.
Message received.
But maybe that’s another lesson.
Sometimes you have to disappear for a minute to realize that you’ve actually created something people have started expecting from you.
And I love that.
I started writing because I had things I wanted to say. Some of them are funny. Some are serious. Some are probably going to piss somebody off. Some make me cry while I’m writing them. And some days, like today, I really don’t have some profound life lesson to share with y’all.
I’m just a woman with 499 tabs open trying to figure out why taking a day off requires an emotional recovery day afterward.
Maybe somebody reading this does the exact same thing.
Maybe you finally sit down after running around taking care of everybody and everything, and instead of enjoying it, you spend the entire time thinking about what you should be doing.
Maybe we need to stop “should-ing” all over ourselves.
I should be working.
I should be cleaning.
I should be answering emails.
I should be exercising.
I should be doing something productive.
Or maybe…
Fuck it. Forget about it.
Not forever.
Just for today.
Because sometimes doing absolutely nothing is doing something.
Sometimes you’re giving your body a break.
Sometimes you’re giving your mind a break.
Sometimes you’re just tired.
And sometimes you don’t even need a good reason.
Maybe that’s the part I need to learn.
I don’t have to justify every minute that I’m not accomplishing something.
And neither do you.
So yesterday I did basically nothing.
Today I’m back among the living.
Welton and I are fixing to go eat some chicken-fried steak, because apparently my journey toward inner peace includes gravy.
Then we’re going to Ulta, which I’m pretty sure also qualifies as self-care.
After that, we’re going home because I ordered some fairly significant things off the internet that need to be put together—and because I apparently cannot just order a normal package like a regular person.
Then I need to make some content.
And tomorrow, it looks like I get to pick up my babies for a couple of hours. We’re going to eat and then get ice cream, and I can promise you I won’t feel guilty about wasting a single second of that.
Then Tuesday?
Real life starts again.
The tabs will reopen.
All 499 of them.
Probably 500 by then.
But I’m trying to remember that occasionally it’s okay to close the laptop.
Even when the laptop is your brain.
So if you needed permission today to do absolutely nothing, here it is.
Take the nap.
Leave the laundry.
Don’t answer the text.
Order dinner.
Watch something stupid on TV.
Put your phone down.
The world will survive without your productivity for one damn day.
And tomorrow, when your brain tries to make you feel guilty about it, remind it:
You were the one who asked for the day off, asshole.
Fuck it.
Forget about it.
We’ll try again tomorrow.
XOXO,
Mrs. Whit