A Birthday Full of Reflection

Today was my birthday, and honestly… I did absolutely nothing. I never left the house. I stayed in my pajamas all day and spent my time trying to get my house back in order because I’ve been so consumed with this whole social media journey that I’ve let a lot of other things in my life slide.

That’s one of my biggest flaws. I don’t know how to do anything halfway. I’m either all in or not in at all. I’m a “go big or go home” kind of person in everything I do, and sometimes that really works against me. My brain never stops. I’m constantly thinking about the next post, the next video, the next idea, the next goal. It’s exhausting.

I think what I really need to do is stop trying to force everything and just let it happen naturally.

Don’t get me wrong—I still want my teacher to come every week because there are so many things I genuinely don’t know how to do, and I enjoy learning from her. And I absolutely love writing this blog. Honestly, it’s become better than therapy for me. It’s a place where I can just be myself, say what’s on my mind, and not worry about filters or algorithms.

The truth is, I’ve got too many things pulling at me right now. The whole reason I started this social media journey was to build an audience so I could grow my jewelry business. But somewhere along the way, I got distracted. One day I’m posting outfits, the next day it’s my granddaughter, then a restaurant, then a funny story… and before I know it, I’m barely posting jewelry at all.

So what’s the point?

Maybe I need to quit putting so much pressure on myself to post every single day and instead focus on what really matters. Focus on my jewelry. Focus on learning. Let the other content happen naturally instead of trying to manufacture it.

I also need to remind myself that this takes time.

There are creators who have been doing this for nine years. I’ve been seriously trying since January, and while I’ve made progress, I’m constantly beating myself up because I don’t think it’s happening fast enough. The truth is, I’m incredibly impatient. I want everything to happen yesterday, and life just doesn’t work that way.

Maybe the rest of this year isn’t about becoming some huge influencer.

Maybe it’s about learning.

Learning social media. Learning what kind of content I actually enjoy creating. Learning what works for me instead of trying to be everything to everybody. By the time January gets here, maybe I’ll have a much clearer direction.

Today wasn’t just hard because I was overwhelmed. I was also sad.

I didn’t get to spend my birthday with my granddaughter, and that really hurt my heart. That’s a story for another blog because there’s a lot more to it than I want to get into today.

One thing I’ve learned about myself is that I take things very personally. I go above and beyond for the people I love. If someone needs me, I’m there. I don’t hesitate. I don’t keep score. I just do it because that’s who I am.

But when I don’t feel that same effort in return, it hurts. And when I’m hurt, I get angry. My temper shows up before my words do.

I’m not saying I don’t have a right to feel hurt sometimes, because I do. But I do think I need to find a healthier way to deal with those feelings instead of letting my temper take over. The older I get, the more I realize that not everyone thinks like I do. Not everyone sees situations the same way I do. And sometimes, no matter how you explain your feelings, the other person is never going to understand because they simply don’t see it.

Maybe that’s just part of life.

So today wasn’t exciting. It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t full of birthday celebrations or big adventures.

It was just real life.

My real life.

I’m 56 years old today, and maybe this birthday wasn’t one of my best. But maybe it was the one I needed. Sometimes the quiet days are the ones that make you stop, look at your life, and figure out where you’re headed.

And I think that’s exactly what I’m going to do.