My Husband Has Selective Hearing… and Apparently Selective Vision Too

Can somebody please explain husbands to me?

I’m convinced they all come with selective hearing… and selective vision.

They hear exactly what they want to hear, and somehow miss the one thing you actually asked them to do.

Case in point…

Yesterday I had a return that needed to go out. The return label was emailed to my husband, so I texted him and reminded him:

“Hey, will you print that return label so I can get this shipped today?”

Simple enough, right?

This morning I woke up, and bless his sweet heart, he had the entire box packed perfectly. Taped shut. Ready to go.

I looked at him and said, “Where’s the label?”

Y’all…

He looked at me like I had asked him to solve world peace.

“What label?”

THE LABEL I TEXTED YOU ABOUT!

Now before y’all think I’m picking on him, let me tell you about today.

I had a package that needed to go back to my jewelry company in New York. I had been fussing about this package ALL DAY because they had made a mistake and I needed it fixed.

I reminded him on the phone.

I texted him.

I even told him it was important.

He took it to FedEx…

…and didn’t get a receipt.

Here’s the funny part…

Every single time he ships jewelry for me, he asks the exact same question:

“Do you need a receipt?”

YES!

The answer has been yes for years!

If it’s jewelry going through the mail, I want proof it was dropped off. Every. Single. Time.

Now let me be fair.

He’s actually a really good husband. He’ll pack boxes, run errands, help with my crazy ideas, and put up with way more than most men probably would.

But Lord have mercy…

Sometimes I truly wonder if we’re having the same conversation.

And here’s what really gets me…

If he texts me from work asking what’s for dinner and I don’t answer in five minutes…

“Hello?”

“You there?”

“Did you get my text?”

Or if we’re going somewhere and he wants me to help pick out his clothes, I better show up immediately because apparently that’s an emergency.

But somehow, printing one little shipping label completely disappears from his memory.

Make it make sense.

I’m starting to think selective hearing is actually part of the marriage license.

Please tell me I’m not the only one.

Do y’all have a husband like this too, or did I just get lucky?

I love the man to death… but some days I also want to strangle him just a tiny little bit.

Tomorrow I’ll tell y’all more about my kids and grandbabies because if we’re going to do life together over here, y’all might as well get to know the whole crew.

Until then… somebody please tell me I’m not alone!